These are true injuries suffered by baseball players.
Infielder Chris Brown missed a game because he “slept on his eye funny”.
Pitcher Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.
Sammy Sosa was disabled after a violent sneeze.
Pitcher Jeff Juden missed a start because a tattoo he got prior to the season opener got infected.
Reliever Randy Flores was put on the disabled list – while removing his socks after a game, a large patch of skin also came off.
DH Mickey Tettleton went on the disabled list with athlete’s foot. The story is that he tied his shoes too tight.
Utility infielder Bret Barberie missed a game because he mistakenly rubbed chili juice in his eyes.
Pitcher Ricky Bones injured his lower back getting out of a chair while watching television in the clubhouse.
Outfielder Dustan Mohr strained his groin while trying to get out of the dugout for a celebration for another player’s home run.
Reliever Larry Anderson strained a rib muscle jumping from the bench to join a brawl.
Shortstop Rey Quinones wasn’t available as a pinch hitter as he was in the clubhouse playing Nintendo.
Pitcher Mark Smith was injured when he stuck his hand into an air conditioner to see why it wasn’t working.
Reliever Joey Eischen broke his arm jumping into the air to field a ground ball.
Shortstop Clint Barmes fell down some stairs and broke his collarbone. He was unable to break his fall because he was cradling a package of venison given to him from teammate Todd Helton.
Pitcher Greg Harris suffered a strained elbow flipping sunflower seeds while sitting in the bullpen.
Pitcher Randy Veres injured his hand pounding on the hotel room wall, trying to get the people in the next room to be quiet.
Third baseman Randy Johnson strained his back putting on his socks.
Pitcher Byron McLaughlin cut his right hand when he was practicing his windup in his hotel room. He was apparently too close to the mirror.
Catcher Brent Mayne missed an entire month in the 2002 season because he turned his head to check traffic as he was crossing the street – and wrenched his back.
Pitcher Steve Foster injured his shoulder at a taping of a segment for “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno”.
Speedster Rickey Henderson allegedly missed several games in August due to frostbite.
Outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. missed a game after his cup slipped and pinched a testicle.
Pitcher Oliver Perez went on the 15 day disabled list after breaking his toe while kicking a laundry cart in the visitor’s clubhouse.
Outfielder Marty Cordova missed a game after he burned his face, spending too much time under a tanning lamp.
Jose Cardenal missed a game because he was kept awake all night by crickets chirping in his hotel room.
Pitcher Kenny Rogers dislocated his pinky finger (on his non-pitching hand) after punching out a water cooler.
Outfielder Glenallen Hill received cuts over much of his body after he fell out of bed onto a glass table. He was having a nightmare about being covered in spiders.
Pitcher Rich Harden strained his shoulder turning off his alarm clock.
Second baseman Jeff Kent claimed he hurt his wrist while washing his truck. Speculation is that he was injured in a motorcycle accident while doing tricks.
Infielder Paul Molitor dislocated a knuckle when it got stuck in another player’s glove.
Pitcher Terry Mulholland scratched his eye on a feather that was sticking out of a pillow.
Hall of Fame pitcher Phil Niekro was injured while shaking hands.
Pitcher Doc Gooden missed a start when a teammate accidentally hit him with a golf club in the locker room.
Shortstop Jason Bartlett tore the nail off his left pinky while sliding his hand under the television in his room at the Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.
Shortstop Juan Castro hurt his neck on the pillow at the same Ritz Carlton hotel in Detroit.
Infielder Kent Hrbek sprained an ankle wrestling with a clubhouse attendant, forcing him to miss the final ten days of the season.
Famed outfielder Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.
Kevin Mitchell also was hurt by a microwaved donut. Supposedly eating this led to his needing a root canal.
Pitcher Pascual Perez missed a game in Atlanta because he couldn’t find the correct exit ramp on the freeway. OK, it’s not an injury, but it’s pretty funny!
Wade Boggs hurt his back putting on his cowboy boots.
Pitcher Mike Remlinger missed 15 days because he broke his left pinky in a clubhouse recliner.
Reliever Steve Sparks dislocated his shoulder while trying to tear a phone book in half.
Pitcher Carlos Perez broke his nose in a car accident – he was trying to pass the team bus at the time.
John Smoltz burned his chest while ironing the shirt he was wearing.
Outfielder Oddibe McDowell sliced his hand while buttering a roll at the annual “Welcome Luncheon” held by the Texas Rangers.
Pitcher Charlie Hough broke his finger shaking hands.
Nolan Ryan missed a start after being bitten by a coyote.
Shortstop Bobby Crosby cracked two ribs while swinging the bat during opening day practice.
Outfielder Terry Harper separated a shoulder after high-fiving a teammate.
Outfielder Vince Coleman missed the entire 1985 World Series after being rolled up in the tarp machine at Busch Stadium.
Pitcher David Cone missed a start because his mother-in-law’s Jack Russell Terrier bit him.
Hall of Famer George Brett broke a toe on a chair when he was running from the kitchen to the living room to see baseball on TV.
Future Hall of Famer Tony Gwynn missed several games because he smashed his finger in the door of his luxury car, on the way to the bank.
Pitcher Carlos Zambrano was diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome after spending as many as five hours daily on the Internet.
Red Sox rookie Clarence Blethen thought he looked older and meaner if he took his false teeth out when he pitched. He forgot to put them back in his mouth when he was batting. While sliding into second base to break up a double play, his own teeth bit himself in the butt.
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